Shaggy Dog Stories

• [I came into work today and my entire stock was picked up and moved over to the left side of my aisle, and there was now underwear and socks where my sport coats and suit separates used to be, and my non-designer pants where the socks and underwear used to be, which is next to the shoe department. No one informed anyone of these changes.]
• Customer: Why did you move everything over there?
• Me: It was that way when I came in.
• Customer: But everything was over here yesterday. Why is it over there now? This is dumb. I hate when stories move everything. This is dumb. Why did you do this?
• Me: I have no idea. I worked yesterday and everything was there, I came in today and it was like this. No one told me, no one communicated that this was happening. One day I had all of my stock over here, the next day I have a bunch of men who want to buy underwear, but don't want to buy underwear when it's out in the main view with me watching over it.
• Customer: But you work here. You should know. Why did you move everything. You must have done it. You weren't working here yesterday.
• Me: Unlike the octopi, jellyfish arms have no brains. They simply sway about in the water, catching whatever food come near by and stinging whatever large moving things comes too close. They have no thought or independent will. They merely dangle from the body of the jellyfish. And for that matter, jellyfish themselves have no brain, or even a central nervous system. They just have a sensory organ so they know if they bump into stuff. Think of Macy's employees like those jellyfish tentacles-spindly, without independent thought, entirely here to siphon food-or money- into Macy's mouth, and to sting people who try and steal from us. And think of Macy's as that jellyfish, meandering lost through the currents of the ocean, with no real purpose except to continue eating and stinging people. Why did it move underwear next to the suit department? Maybe they thought you needed to stare at the crotches of attractive men, maybe they thought you weren't aware you needed underwear, perhaps they simply threw darts and decided to make the layout of this store as complicated as humanly possible. In any case, that is where the socks and underwear are, that's where my suit separates are, and if there is anything else I can help you with, I will be walking across the floor to put these slacks away.